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Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Tearing Each Other Down

I know it's late, but I had to write this post tonight.

my favorite breastfeeding pic of me & Lincoln. June 2009.
On my person Facebook page I am attending a virtual event. It's to show my support for breastfeeding, women, mothers, and pictures of breastfeeding that are being removed by FB. But this post tonight is not about that. I am writing this post because I am tired of reading about women tearing each other down. Once upon a time women were fighting side by side for equal rights. We were standing up for our rights as women and we were standing up to men. Because once it was men that pushed women down. It was men that were in control of everything, women didn't have rights. We were viewed as lesser than men. Then we decided that enough was enough and we had to let the men know that we were human beings just like them. But now I am seeing women tearing each other down for the choices we make.

This has become most prevalent to me in the parenting community. Everyone has a different parenting style and no two people are going to parent exactly alike, because no two people are exactly alike in any way. I have written about Mommy Guilt before on this blog and about breastfeeding. I think that a lot of Mommy Guilt has to do with the fact that there are other mothers out there that feel it is there place and there right to tell other mothers what they are doing "wrong" and how to parent "correctly". I would like to come clean and say that I used to be like this in some ways. I used to think that every mother should give birth to her child drug-free and naturally. I used to think that you should feed your child on a schedule and that co-sleeping was for parents that didn't want any intimacy. But I educated myself and found that everyone is different and everyone has to do what they feel is right for them. I found that I could not consider myself open-minded if I talked down about women that chose to give birth to their child in a hospital via c-section. Everyone has their reasons for birthing the way they do and parenting the way they do. The only time anyone should intervene when it comes to parenting is when there is abuse and neglect.

breastfeeding Lincoln while camping. July 2009.
I just think that women and mothers and parents should be supporting one another. Not berating each other for the way we choose to feed our child or care for our child or birth our child. We should be able to turn to one another in times of need for advice. I am glad that I have the group of mothers I know to turn to and ask for advice when I need it. I am so happy to receive all the wonderful advice that I do and I am happy to be able to give advice and support other mothers and parents. We should lift each other up, not tear each other down. Being a parent can be very hard work at times. It can be frustrating and exhausting. The last thing we need when we are having a bad day is for someone to tell us what a horrible job we're doing. Parents always need other parents in their corner. As parents we are constantly judging ourselves and second guessing, we don't need someone else to do this for us. We also need to realize that no one is perfect and there aren't any perfect parents out there. We all do the best we can when it comes to raising our children. Everyone makes mistakes and that's okay. We learn from our mistakes. Everyone has tough days and on those days we may need someone to turn to, a shoulder to cry on, someone to hug, someone to be understanding. Sometimes you just need someone to be there to support you and sometimes it's nice when that person is going through a similar situation or has been in a similar situation. Someone to tell you that it's okay, everything will be okay.

As parents we need to remember to be compassionate towards each other. We need to remember to lift each other up, not push each other down. No one parents is better than another. We are all different and unique in the ways that we care for our children. While we may not agree with other choices that parents make (and I include myself in this), that doesn't mean we have the right to tell that parent they were wrong for making the choice that they did. Everyone makes the choices that they feel are right for them and their situation and that they feel will for work for them and their family. I think that the majority of Mommy Guilt can be attributed to parents making each other feel wrong for choices that they make in their parenting style. Please stop this.

It is very late and I am beginning to feel a bit repetitive, but I just really wanted to get my point across. So, please remember to be supportive of fellow parents. And let us all remember I'm sure we were taught as children, "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all". It's really as simple as that.

Blogly Question(s):

What are all of your thoughts on this matter?

 

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