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Thursday, August 23, 2012

How Do You Know If You're A Good Mom?

I'm doing this as a sort of continuation/follow up to the previous post. I think many moms ask each other this and we wonder it ourselves. We wonder if we're doing a good enough job or a good job at all. We often wonder if what we're doing is the right thing. Like I said before, unless you are abusing or neglecting your child, there is no wrong way to parent. Sometimes we even make the right choice and feel guilty about it. I know there are times when I can't give Lincoln what he wants and I feel bad about it. I hate disappointing my child and seeing him sad. But I also know that he has to learn that he doesn't always get what he wants, as hard as this is for me to do.

Here's something I've been wondering about, why do we never hear about Daddy Guilty? I never really hear dads say they feel bad or guilty for doing or not doing something with their children. Is this because dads are often times under-minded by their wives so much, so they don't feel bad when they get to make a choice with out it being second guessed by the mother? I know I have done this to my husband. I have not agreed with something he is doing when it comes to parenting Lincoln and it starts an argument. Or I've found out he did something and I don't agree with it. At this point I just figure whatever. Gabe is Lincoln's father and he knows what he's doing just as much I know what I'm doing.

I also know that we, as parents, feel guilty when something happens to our child that is out of our control. When they get sick or when they get hurt. Parents should not feel guilty when these things happen. There are things that happen that are completely out of our control. We do not get to choose if our children are born with autism or not. We don't get to choose if they get a horrible illness or not. These are things that are up to the universe and, perhaps, a higher power if you believe in that. We cannot control everything that happens or doesn't happen to our children. The same goes for our own lives. Sometimes we just need to trust that everything will be okay in our lives and our children's lives.

Like I said in the previous post, guilt doesn't solve anything. If something doesn't go the way you had planned it to or expected to in your own life or in your child's life don't feel guilty. When it comes to something we cannot control it is not our fault if it happens. We cannot blame ourselves for everything that does not go according to plan in life. All we can do is stay strong and hope and pray that everything turns out for the best. We can also support one another as parents and tell each other that it's not our fault and we should not feel guilty.

Support is very important in parenthood. I think that sometimes Mommy Guilt comes from Mommy Wars. Mothers argue about how they parent their child and each one feels that they are the only right one and at least one mom is going to come out of that feeling guilty about some choice she made when it came to her children. This is not okay. I feel that we already blame ourselves enough in life, we don't need some one else doing it as well. Mothers and fathers need to support one another, we need to be able to turn to one another for advice. And when another parent asks for advice, that doesn't mean that we make that parent feel bad for the choice they made. We offer our comfort and gentle advice. We support and help that parent feel better about the choice they made.

So, lets remember to support one another and not make each other feel worse about a choice we feel guilty for. Lets help support those that are going through a situation that they cannot control. We should really just remember to be helpful and supportive to each other all the time. When a parent is in need of some advice or support or maybe even just a hug, we should be there as parents to help them. We should be there as good-hearted people to help them. We need to be more kind, gentle, and understanding of one another.

Once again, if you are in need of some support or advice or would like an anonymous place to confess any mommy guilty you maybe be having I strongly recommend checking out Scary Mommy. This site is a great resource for all of this. 

 

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